Here & There

Date: Oct 29 2013

Itinerary: Hong Kong to Beijing

Airline: Dragon Air

KA904是傍晚六點從香港起飛往北京的班機，但基於港龍的不良紀錄，一直到了四點半我都還再三跟地勤確認會不會延誤，直到他們說沒有問題正常起飛，我才急忙得趕去機場。

坐在G16 lounge裡面可以看到登機的狀況，邊用電腦邊喝Schweppes很從容，等到預備登機通知的廣播開始再起身。然而直到五點四十分，港龍宣布因為零件故障延遲到晚上八點半才能登機。又來，這次是延遲150分鐘，港龍到底為甚麼不能好好的準時起飛，不要再耽誤任何人的時間呢？

多出來的兩個多小時我拿出了OK NOW那一張專輯重聽一遍，第一首就聽We all need saving.

 Well, don't tell yourself you can't lean on someone else

'Cause we all need saving sometimes.

歌詞簡單的來說是某種開示，不需要太複雜的解釋，大意就是no one is an island. 但是配合Jon Mclaughlin的嗓音把saving那個字都唱啞的滄海桑田，整首歌變轉換成了一種救贖。救贖，就像對於The hours裡面的Virginia Woolf一般 － 那段她在車站裡跟Leonard說的話。

If I were thinking clearly, Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark. And that only I can know, only I can understand my own condition.

她一直在腦海裡面聽到聲音，需要離開這個小鎮開始一段新的生活，然而她無能為力也沒有任何人能夠幫助她解決這個問題，她深情的看著這男人然後說出這一番殘酷的告解。

這種救贖也像對於Up in the air裡面的Ryan Bingham － 他在聖誕夜裡面去找那個生活的玩伴Alex告白然後驚人的發現她其實擁有一個完整的家庭。

Ryan Bingham: I thought I was a part of your life.

Alex Goran: I thought we signed up for the same thing... I thought our relationship was perfectly clear. You are an escape. You're a break from our normal lives. You're a parenthesis.

Ryan Bingham: I'm a parenthesis?

在Alex告訴了Ryan彼此只是一個日常生活的插曲，一篇文章的附錄永遠不可能是正文之後，鏡頭帶到Ryan一個人坐在旅館房間裡，然後往外拉整座旅館只有這個房間燈是亮著。Every now and then, we all need saving sometimes.

在這一個偌大的機場裡面我和Emily在whatsapp，我們討論著「也許在」的歌詞。

「這些日子我真的有想你」

我說看看愛情多麼深刻，這寫詞的倔強的不用很想你或是真想你，反而只是告訴對方我真的有想你，平淡卻威力十足，她說她腦子裡都是現在都是那首歌

天南地北的閒扯著她變成我這一個分鐘的saving。

八點半到了，登機門從19號改到25號，很幸運的班機起飛時間沒有再往後延遲。聽說北京變冷，雖說如此，但十一月也應該還只是秋天的那種溫度。秋天別來，畢竟從某一個時刻開始我身體越來越不耐寒，落地大概午夜，失眠的人晚安。

Dearest, I feel certain I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of these terrible times again and I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices and can't concentrate. So I'm doing what seems to be the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I know that I'm spoiling your life and without me you could work, and you will, I know. You see, I can't even write this properly. What I want to say is that I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me. And incredibly good. Everything is gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been.

Virginia's suicide letter to Leonard